Not many people would be happy to greet death like an old friend. Most of us would fear or feel rather uncomfortable talking or even thinking about it. It could be the last thing one would want to ponder upon or carry in their heart like a burden. Especially a young happily married woman like Daisy.
Life hasn’t been a bed of roses to Daisy. With constant check ups and treatments to win over a breast cancer it’s been a rough time for her in the prime years of her life. Finally, when she thought she could take a breath of relief from all of it and her husband all ready to celebrate the 4th anniversary of a cancer free life, fate decides to blow up her trying-to-settle-down life once again, this time with an irreversible blow as she is detected with cancer (again!) and there are only a few options left this time other than gathering all her strength and prepare for her death.
“And it reminds me, the first time I had cancer I learned that there’s only one thing that’s worse than actually having cancer, and that’s having to tell people you have cancer. Never mind close family members, like a mother who will weep so uncontrollably that you think she may pass out from the effort of it.”
“Dying is for old people and orphaned children in Africa with distended bellies and dads who get stuck down by cars when they’re on their bicycles in the wrong intersection at the wrong time of the day. It’s not for 27 year old woman who just got married and want to have babies and feel fit and healthy”
Would death become any easier to handle if one knows that it’s on its way? Or does it make things even creepier and create havoc? Many would opine that it would help a person to be mentally prepared, live your life. But try imagining how one could live with that cold harsh truth bubbling up inside them that the death of themselves or a loved one is getting nearer with each passing moment! That emotional turmoil could kill you within with every tick of the clock, may be even faster than the fatal illness could kill you which you’re diagnosed with.
With every line in the book, Before I Go explicitly expresses the journey of Daisy towards her untimely death. Her struggle to keep things under control, the breakdowns which come along nevertheless, the fears, the disappointments and every other emotions were laid out all raw and open to the readers. Every turned page would build up the tension to face the inevitable.
However, the story isn’t only about Daisy. What about the loved ones we leave behind? Would they be able to cope up with the loss? Especially a man like Jack who always relied on Daisy to keep things clean, tidy and organized. The book pinpoints how anticipating a tragic loss could change other lives connected to the protagonist. What others go through is a different struggle altogether which most of us have taken for granted with our sole attention on the victim. Colleen Oakley has done a wonderful job in portraying the torments each character around Daisy go through as loved ones of a terminally ill patient would do. Still, this isn’t a story only about the loss and the sorrow. It’s also about the strength of unwavering love, familial bonds and hopes. It unveils that universal truth, that we should learn to cherish our lives when we still have the chance.
This has been one of the most heart touching books I have ever read. For me, it was an absolute tearjerker, an epitome of love, the sense of belonging, the ultimate loss and grief. The characters are sweet which makes us fall in love with them (and make us even more sensitive towards the climax). Ones who loved books like P.S. I Love You would certainly love this one. But I should warn you that this won’t really be a light reading despite being narrated in a lucid language. Be ready to embrace all the emotions which would leave you with a heavy heart and tearful eyes but an enlightenment about life the same time.
“He found a way to love me when I was doing everything I could to not let him”
