Even though this blog is dedicated for books I was enough convinced by my own conscience to write this in the last few hours. True, that this article is not related to books but it certainly is a much more heart touching topic to every human being. The thought of writing this was provoked by a story which I came across, a status message of a friend in facebook. So first of all I would like every one of you to go through it.
"A daughter is a daughter till she gets a husband, a son is a son all his Life!"
Dedicated to all daughters.
A couple made a deal the night of their Marriage to NOT open the door of their room to anybody who comes knocking in the morning for any reason!
In the morning the parents of the husband came & knocked on the door, the husband & the wife were looking at each other & as they agreed before, they didn't open the door.
After a while the parents of the bride came knocking at the door to check on them, the couple were looking at each other, then the bride dropped a tear & started crying she said: "I cannot keep them knocking & not open the door, I miss them already"
The husband didn't say anything & he let her open the door for her parents.Years & years passed & the couple had 5 children, the first ones were boys & the 5th was a little girl, when she was born the father was extremely happy that Almighty blessed him with her, & he threw a Huge Party for her in Grand style, people were so amazed with his joy & his happiness that they asked him, why are you so happy with her more than you were before with her older brothers?
He answered simply: "She is the one who will open the door for me"
Baby girls are the comfort of the eyes of their father!They hold the key to their mother’s hearts!Daughters are really unique.They care for their parents even after they are married.Its rightly said,
"A son is a son till he gets a Wife, a daughter is a daughter all her Life!"
It was indeed a nice story. I was in a hurry to leave the office so I also liked it and set off for the journey back home. But whole through the way my mind was disturbed thinking about what I read. Was that really making any sense!
Daughter is a daughter all her life! Yes, of course. Sons are sons till he gets a wife. True, in most of the cases. But isn’t it ironic that the daughters who remain daughters all their lives are the ones who stop the sons being sons for all their lives! The above story itself is a good example to prove it. Otherwise, a son would never look away or neglect his parents if not for his wife. So, is it his fault that he faces the situation silently in order to protect his marriage and keep the family life a happy one?
There were so many ‘likes’ to the post and comments such as ‘proud to have daughters’, ‘proud to be a daughter’, etc. Somehow I find those comments very funny. Especially in such a story which clearly depicts the harsh behavior of a so called daughter to her in-laws. Can those people really be proud of their selves? I mean just because they have daughters or they are daughters? According to me, you can be a proud parent of a daughter not just because she will be a daughter to you in all her life but also to her in-laws as well. That proves that the daughter is nurtured well, and that you have made her a compassionate woman towards the society, a loving and caring human being to others irrespective of their role and the relationship in her life. As a daughter, we can be proud only if we let our husbands remain the son for his parents all his life.
Hope everyone understands these simple facts. Learn to put their selves in others’ shoes and act accordingly. Today you may be a proud parent to have a daughter but tomorrow you can be an in-law for another daughter who will make your son dance to her tunes. If the wife in this story became a better child by opening the door for her parents the same time she acts a heartless human by keeping the door locked for her in-laws, making her husband an ungrateful son. A story is not just to look at the outer cover and rejoice but to look deep into and see and understand the actual truth! Hats off to all the real daughters who behave in such a way for their parents to be really proud of them!
22 comments:
so true!!
Speechless !
Love you my cutie, a lot !
very touching!i hope that u will practice what u hv said and be a good ''daughter'' ur mother can be proud of :)
its true i like it.
Or......Your son could be a real man and respect both the family in which he was raised and the one he will make for himself. A woman can often tell how a man will treat her,simply, by watching how he treats his own mother!
Dear Dini
here the fault is of Son only as her wife didn't objected him from opening the door, it is the son who gave more priority to his wife rather then his parrents. i am really proud on the daughter who gave first priority to her parrents.
I have 2 sons who do not care if I am alive or dead.
I would love to have had a daughter but it was not God's will.
I have recently met a young woman,a long way from home,and I look on her as a type of daughter.
It depends on the mother and son, my husband and his mother had a very tight bond. She was respectful of me and I of her. We visited with her all the time. And for a while we were next door neighbors. There are exceptions to this idiom, for sure,
Hi Dini,
Of course, i also see your point and its true.However, the story is about an individual decision being made at the spur of the moment.You may love and respect your in-laws as well,but giving up on something/sacrificing for your own parents mean they have raised you well enough which works vice versa. It depicts a story of one's own personal feelings,choices and priority as a daughter and son themselves,not as a husband and wife nor in-laws. In the same way that a mother would choose to sacrifice and prioritize her own siblings rather than anybody else.
Hi Dinii
My interpretation of the story is somewhat similar to that of the previous poster: It looks to me that the decision made by the daughter to open the door to her parents was a spur of the moment one as opposed to being premeditated.
I will also add that I think that at the time when the couple made the deal, they had their reasons (undisclosed) and they both were in agreement & were sincere. Both husband and wife likely thought it would be easy to turn away even their parents if they came knocking. When it happened that the husband’s parents came knocking, the wife could have had no problem implementing the prior agreement she had with her husband because, being a newly-wed, she had likely not yet developed an emotional attachment to her in-laws. When it came time to turn her parents away, the wife would have found it hard to turn them away because of the emotional attachment she had with them. And please note, the reason the wife asked her husband that they open the door (note that she did not rush to open the door, she checked with her husband first) was emotional (hence the crying) and she said also that it was because she missed them. It is the emotional attachment to her parents that pushed the wife to desire that the door be opened even though the visit came at a time that they had agreed with her husband beforehand would be inconvenient. I would like to believe that the emotions that arose in her at the prospect of having to turn her own parents away were spontaneous & they surprised the woman herself at the time. Why else would she have agreed to the deal with her husband if she knew beforehand that she would never be able to turn her parents away?
In my view society expects a wife to immediately bond with her in-laws at the point of marriage to the same extent as with her own parents, which in my opinion is rather unrealistic. I think that forming a relationship with one’s in-laws is a process and not an event, just like making friends. Generally speaking, friendships develop over time. Granted there are cases where people meet and they immediately ‘click’ and their friendship blossoms quickly & it’s as if they’ve known each other for years when in actual fact they only just met, but the norm is for a friendship to form gradually. So the wife in this story has just become related to her in-laws, but they have not yet formed a relationship, that is why she had no problems turning them away as per prior agreement with her husband. She has not yet established an emotional investment in the relationship with her in-laws.
Also, I did not get the impression that these in-laws came knocking because they were in need (it says of the wife’s parents that they had come just to check on the couple). It was just an unplanned social visit that the parents had planned for a time that was not convenient for the newly married couple. Neither of the couple in the story was moved to the point of admitting the first set of visitors that came knocking that morning.
The husband’s rejoicing at the birth of his daughter shows that he really would have wanted to let his parents in that morning soon after his wedding but fought away the urge. He had had the same urges as had his wife, but he fought them back and did not confess them to his wife. Neither did he, in the years following, confide in her about how he felt that morning until the birth of his daughter. This to me would indicate a communication problem between husband and wife. When the wife felt the urge to admit her parents into their home that morning she talked to her husband about it before opening the door (note that she did not rush to open the door, she spoke with her husband about it first). When the husband felt the urge to admit his parents into their home that morning he fought back the urge and bottled up his hurt at having to turn them away. Why did he not voice his feelings as did the wife. To me this illustrates a communication problem or an exhibition of the differences between how men & women process their feelings.
(continued from above)
In-law relations are often complex yes, but I see no need to further complicate them by wrongly placing blame on the wife for not accommodating her in-laws. The husband is the one who should have advocated for his parents if he so saw that admitting them at that inconvenient time was needful.
The above is a story designed to provide us with a lighter moment in our busy lives. I recommend that we desist from over analysing it and enjoy it for what it is.
I'm getting fed up with parents who raised sons thinking he would stay the same person he was as when he was a child and young man. Parents such as theses appear emotionally comfortable only related to who he was, not who he will become as he changes through the effort of becoming a Husband and father and leader in his own right. Once he actually grows into his own thoughts and feeling and begins to express them, HIS PARENTS react like he has been replaced by a pod person from invasion of the body snatchers.
Dear parent of sons this is a natural developmental stage of growth where really becomes an independent person in his own image as God intended, none of us stay the same, my daughter is not the same at 16 years 10 months and 31 days as she was at 6 years, 10 months and 31 days.
We love and raise them for a season we don't keep them for life. God gives children as a blessings but temporary gifts, then we released them to his purpose.
NOT EVEN mothers of girls "keep" our daughter's in fact we know we don't ever have first place in their live even as they play in the sand box, because they will leave to marry just like we left too and we accept this as they way it is.
Hi everyone!
Thank you all for reading and taking time to comment on this. I highly appreciate it and also apologize for not replying for so long and also I'm not sure whether everyone who have commented would be notified about this comment.
Of course different people have different view points. Also I believe that every parent is not same, so our actions and reactions would certainly vary. May be the reactions which could be called as cruel or insensitive could be justified regards to certain people and their situations.
However, I would like to express my point of view regards to the majority. And my opinion greatly depends upon so many people who are close to me and around me. Its a pity that I get to see loads of daughter-in-laws tend to mistreat their in-laws. May be just by words or both in actions. Some may pretend to care but secretly plot against. The thing I wonder is why people can't be sensitive towards people as just human beings, not categorizing and labelling people as family and others!
Yes, people change with time. Children change when they grow up. Growing up doesn't mean or justfy a person being insensitive and uncaring towards others, especially their parents. Considering the majority parents have done so much to their children since they were conceived. Nobody can list or weigh the love, care, efforts and time they have bestowed open their kids. Can it be justified to ignore them or put them low in the list of priorities once you grow up and make your own family? We are in this world to make a family only because our parents had sacrificed so much to let us be. Parents won't make us feel indebted to what they did but its our responsibility to care and love them with all what we have.
If a wife loves her husband then from the very first day she should be able to accept his parents as her own. If she her love is that great, there won't be any issues or dilemmas about her parents and her parents. All are her parents and she would treat them alike. Alas, it hardly happens. People are selfish, categorizing people in to groups whom they would love, be friends or not care at all. Its a shame!
The greatest achievement for a human would be to fill their hearts with so much love that they would love and care everybody equally. Everyone around us could be someone's family.
If she can't bear the feeling of ignoring her parents, how can she be ok to ignore his parents. Would she ever think how it would be if her brother's wife would treat her parents the same? That's what we lack most, we tend to do things without questioning ourselves whether we would like to be the receiver of such action.
A little more love and lesser selfishness would make a better world for all of us. :)
Thank you Dinii for responding to the posts above.
You say that “… my opinion greatly depends upon so many people who are close to me and around me.” Please remember that your view is ‘from the outside looking in’ and you can never know exactly what is happening in the lives of those that are close to you and around you. Any account that you are told by any one party is very likely to be one-sided and, to some extent, biased. A philosophy based on an outsider's view is, at best, flawed and inaccurate.
You mention mistreatment "I get to see loads of daughter-in-laws tend to mistreat their in-laws". The Cambridge English Dictionary (http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/mistreat) defines mistreat as: “to treat a person … badly, cruelly, or unfairly”. I will focus on the aspect of fairness, as in “daughter-in-law is being unfair to her in-laws”. Please do not confuse the words ‘fair’ and ‘equal’. When a daughter-in-law is first married, she has likely only just met her in-laws, they are basically strangers to her. Whereas she has been with her parents for about… 20years, and they have had a lot of experiences together. It is NORMAL and should be expected, that the daughter-in-law will be closer to her own parents than to her in-laws. The same applies to her husband: I would expect that any ‘new’ husband should already be having an age-appropriate relationship with his parents that is based on the 20 or so years he ‘lived’ with them before he got married. My opinion is that unreasonable expectations and poor communication are the ones that lead to poor in-law relations. The daughter-in-law is expecting occasional interaction with her in-laws, an interaction that may/may not develop to something closer depending on the personalities involved. I am yet to meet a daughter in-law who was not cordial to her in-laws at first meeting. The in-laws, in my view, should be appreciative of anything above basic cordiality and civility from the daughter-in-law. Anything beyond that depends on the personalities involved and how well they get along.
The problem comes when any one party, (daughter-in-law or in-laws) try to impose a closer ‘buddy buddy’ relationship than the other is comfortable with, or they try to do score keeping, i.e. in-laws saying “you visit your mother twice a week, you must do the same for me”, or daughter-in-law saying “you bought your daughter a car for her birthday, do the same for me”. The key to a good relationship, in-law or otherwise, is that both parties are comfortable with the level of interaction, and there are no impositions or judgement from one to another. Pushing for more than the other party is willing to give, instead of drawing the 2 parties together, is actually alienating and breeds resentment in the other party. All this to say that I do not think it is possible, or fair, to expect to be treated ‘equal’ but the expectation should be for fairness. Fair to daughter-in-law, and fair to in-laws.
If one finds themselves feeling entitled and saying “so and so SHOULD do abcd to/for me” that’s a red-flag statement right there. So, be you a daughter-in-law or a parent-in-law, just focus on doing your part: be friendly and nice (both to the face and behind the back of your in-law) and respect the comfort of the other party by not requiring a level of closeness that the other party is not comfortable with. Lower your expectations and appreciate the level of interaction you do have, however little it may be. If you are careful not to impose yourself, maybe, just maybe, you will find the level of closeness with your in-laws slowly increasing, until, with time, a super, buddy buddy closeness is achieved.
This is a good topic to discuss, if parents of sons could just own there own fears instead of projecting those fears onto dils we would have a lot more happy parents in laws.
I see two real issues driving this parental entitlement and ego projection/protection, when people want acceptance but don't want to openly say " I want to be loved and liked by you, please accept me I want to be family, not as close as your own parents they are your parents after all but a very close second eventually!"
Instead they decamp and invade a young wife with demands and expectations " Hey We are his parents! We bore, raised him and nothing you ever do will ever compare so, you must always remember that!"
"Don't visit your parents too much, but don't ignore them either by the way we came by to visit here is our luggage, we're staying for a while, what are you cooking for dinner!"
When many dil run for the hills or push for her own life sans her in-laws, then her in-laws deny pushing her away with neediness and unreasonable demands.
WRONG......
This story is in circulation in social media for quite some time. A story only depicts the behaviour of people in a given situation at a particular point of time. That does not make it the gospel truth. But the number of likes and comments make me wonder whether what is stated is the universal truth. It also hurts me. Because I, a male, was so much attached to my mother that she is always in my mind even after nearly 20 years of her passing away. She was 21 years elder to me and we were more like friends. She occupied the front seat of the car when I drove, even during 14 years after my wedding,i.e., until she lived.
This story is in circulation in social media for quite some time. A story only depicts the behaviour of people in a given situation at a particular point of time. That does not make it the gospel truth. But the number of likes and comments make me wonder whether what is stated is the universal truth. It also hurts me. Because I, a male, was so much attached to my mother that she is always in my mind even after nearly 20 years of her passing away. She was 21 years elder to me and we were more like friends. She occupied the front seat of the car when I drove, even during 14 years after my wedding,i.e., until she lived.
Thanks for sharing this wondeful blog with us. This is more helpful for find the top Hotwife Lifestyle.
You should find reason your sons don't care about you and figure a way to solve such ignorance
Mary-Antoinette Courbebaisse
Her introduction to the world date was December 12, 1864, in Rochefort, Charente Maritime. She was only 69 years of age-old enough when she died in death in the year 1933.
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